What Does It Mean To Cleave Unto Your Wife?

Genesis 2:24 records the Words of God about marriage. It says: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” The King James translates it a little more descriptively as “cleave.” But what does it mean to “cleave?” What does it mean to become one flesh? How can two separate individuals join together so tightly, so intimately, so permanently, that God calls them one?

Peter Marshall, former congressional chaplain, wrote:

“Marriage is not a federation of two sovereign states. It is a union – domestic, social, spiritual, and physical. It is the fusion of two hearts – the union of two lives – the coming together of two tributaries, which after being joined in marriage, will flow in the same channel in the same direction. . . . carrying the same burdens of responsibility and obligation.”

That’s what marriage is: two people becoming one flesh – one permanent union – as they “cleave” together. Yes, it happens symbolically during the marriage ceremony, but also more and more, bit by bit, over a lifetime as they continue to “cleave” together.

One counselor said:

“Every variety of marriage, if it is to be successful and enduring, has one requirement. . . . two people shall be ready to sink themselves in the creation of a new unit bigger than either of them. The creation must be important to them. They must accept their relationship as the permanent framework of their lives.”

Or, as Jesus said in Matthew 19:6, “So then they are no longer two, but one flesh.” They become tied together so tightly, so intimately, they are no longer two, but one – one flesh.

As W. J. Fields put it:

“This concept has profound implications. Husbands and wives often think of their spouses as their ‘other partner’ in marriage. They think of themselves as two individuals who have contracted to live together as man and wife, each a completely separate entity with his own rights, privileges and desires. But instead of being two separated individuals, they are two parts of one unit, each of which is necessary to make the unity complete. Therefore when the husband loves his wife, he is not loving another person at all. He is loving a part of himself. When the wife loves her husband, she is not loving another person. She is loving herself.”

That almost makes me think of the Trinity. There is one God existing in three separate persons – a great mystery. We, in some very rudimentary way, are types of that in marriage. Two become one.

Now, that’s all fine and dandy, but it is all theoretical. How does this have any real life application? The word “cleave” means to glue. To be bonded together, to stick together like peanut butter cleaves to the roof of your mouth. Two individuals, a man and a woman, are joined together for life into a single entity with a glue so strong you can’t pull it apart without tearing something. Each individual submerges himself or herself into the unit – the marriage. They become one flesh. This happens as the man and woman join together body to body, soul to soul, and spirit to spirit. We will cover each of these three ways in future articles.