The Intimacy of Marriage

Sometimes along with all the advantages of preaching verse by verse, there is a problem. People can look ahead and see where you are going, and they ask all kinds of questions. And sometimes they make suggestions. So, when I get to a verse like Genesis 2:25, which says, “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed;” I get this suggestion, “You don’t really need to preach on that one, do you?” Of course I’m going to, even though some people think it’s too hot to handle in church. But no topic addressed by Scripture should be too hot to handle.

I was also asked the question, “Are you going to tell us what this verse really means?” The answer is: Yes, I am. I did a lot of deep study – I checked the dictionaries of Hebrew words – and I can tell you conclusively what this verse means when it says, “And they were both naked.” It means they didn’t have any clothes on. Nope, not even a fig leaf. The rumors are true.

I suppose that means Eve had it easy. She didn’t have to do laundry, and it meant no ironing. But then she didn’t have to dust either, since she didn’t have a house. But they say Eve did worry. Every night when Adam came home from naming the animals, she counted his ribs.

Seriously, though, what is the lesson here? The word, naked, in Hebrew means to be laid bare. That means totally and completely naked. But it also says they weren’t ashamed. The idea is this: there were no hidden areas between them – no hang ups, no embarrassment, no fears. And they were naked together. The meaning is that they were totally transparent with each other in their marriage. They had unrestrained freedom and the complete absence of self-consciousness.

Does that sound strange in your marriage? Does it sound like something foreign? It’s because we live in a different world – one marred by sin. In Genesis chapter three at the fall, self-consciousness came into being, and shame entered at our nakedness. Then Adam and Eve will resort to using fig leaves to cover up. Later, God will clothe them with animal skins.

But since the fall, sin has marred that original transparent intimacy. We are crippled by sin when it comes to relating freely and openly even in our marriages. We have too much we prefer to keep covered, even from the eyes of our spouses. Nowadays, marriages are more often characterized by selfishness, competition, resentment, embarrassment, and masks, than by intimacy. To our shame!

But, guess what? God still wants our marriages to be intimate. Remember what it said in Ephesians 5:32? We’ve covered it several times already. Our marriages represent an earthly picture of Christ’s relationship to His bride, the church. And the church is to experience intimacy with her Savior, right? Hebrews 4:16 even gives us the gracious invitation “to come boldly to the throne of grace.” We are invited into God’s presence where we can receive grace and help in our time of need. “Boldly” doesn’t mean brashly or flippantly. It has the idea of freedom of speech. We can come before God at any time and tell Him anything. You can lay your heart bare before Him. Plus, God knows us intimately. Psalm 94:11 says, “The Lord knows the thoughts of man.” You can’t even hide what you are thinking from Him, so you might as well share it.

But to be a good symbol of Christ and the church, our marriages also must be intimate. Oh, but how? That is one of the greatest challenges of the ages. It requires work. Yes, sin hinders that work, but the reward of an intimate marriage makes it oh so worth-while. If you work at it, you will win. If not, you will lose big time. But when you win, you really win. The joy of a great marriage is beyond comparison. And if you lose, the scars are never superficial. They leave no flesh wounds, but cleave the heart.

Since we are sinful and prone to hide from each other, we need help in developing intimacy. That help comes from the pages of Scripture. What sin destroyed, following God’s commands can restore. In the next article we will begin examining the Scriptural remedy for our non-intimate marriages.

The Tragedy of Easy Divorce

Another way Satan attacks the institution of marriage is through easy divorce laws. Some of you can probably remember the way it was in the “good old days” of our parent’s generation. If you can’t remember it, you probably have watched it on “Ozzie and Harriet” reruns. Back then, divorce was rare. Divorce left a stigma on a person’s life. It carried a certain amount of shame to be divorced.

You couldn’t even get a divorce unless you proved adultery by your spouse. That’s why they hired private detectives to snap pictures through cracks between the bedroom curtains. There was enormous social and economic pressure for couples to stay together. There was a lot if incentive to “work it out,” to “hang in there” for the sake of the kids.

Sure, marriages weren’t all good, but they stuck. And the benefit was that kids were raised by both parents. But today, we live in the age of “No-Fault Divorce.” People can dissolve a marriage in our society for any reason, or for no reason at all.

Currently, the most common reason given for divorce is communication problems. Couples feel incompatible because they don’t communicate, so they divorce. But is our society better for it? Are people happier? Hardly! And, for sure, the kids aren’t better off.

Maybe God was right. Jesus gives us God’s opinion on divorce and marriage in Matthew 19:3-6:

3 The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?”
4 And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Jesus was asked a point blank question by the Pharisees. In effect, it was, “Is no-fault divorce acceptable?” To answer, Jesus pointed the Pharisees back to creation and quoted from Genesis 1:27 and Genesis 2:24. He wants them to understand God’s original intent for marriage. What was God’s intent? Marriage is to last “till death do us part.” God designed marriage to be one man with one woman for life. God created marriage as a one-flesh relationship – a loving, intimate union of two persons into one flesh that lasts until one of them dies. They are no longer two, but “one flesh,” acting as visual flesh and blood pictures of the relationship between Christ and the Church.

Can a marriage be dissolved? Well, can flesh be torn asunder? Obviously! The answer is yes. We see it happen all the time. But what is involved in tearing flesh asunder, of ripping a body apart?
In marriage, it involves the destruction of a family. From God’s use of the terms, it is obvious that divorce is like a person being ripped in two, and the pain and agony that is involved in doing it is intense. And the death that follows is the death of the family - the union God Himself had blessed. Therefore, Jesus stated, “What God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Why do people divorce? It is because people refuse to deal with the problems that inevitably arise between them. They prefer to destroy the union because they refuse to yield their own desires or refuse to yield their own way. They refuse to obey God.

God says that divorce is not a satisfactory solution. He glued you together with permanent glue, the best available so you couldn’t come apart. Only with great difficulty can two things glued together be separated. Try to separate two pieces of wood glued together with good wood glue. The pieces don’t separate at the joint, but the wood tears along its own grain. That means you can’t separate the two pieces without doing great damage. The same principle applies to marriage. You can’t separate the partners in a marriage without great damage. But it is not supposed to be that way. You glue things together so they won’t come apart.

The symbol is to be as permanent as the reality. Since the marriage represents Christ’s relationship to His bride the church, we can glean principles. We can’t lose our salvation once we have been born-again through repentant faith in Jesus Christ. If we could, it would be like ripping off Christ’s arm or leg because we are part of His body. Can you see why God has such a bad attitude against divorce?

Malachi 2:16 declares:

“For the LORD God of Israel says
That He hates divorce,
For it covers one’s garment with violence,”
Says the LORD of hosts.
Therefore take heed to your spirit,
That you do not deal treacherously.”

When God says, “For it covers one’s garment with violence,” He is talking about torn flesh, about victims. Since in that day only the man could file for divorce, divorce left the wife broken hearted and destitute. It left children fatherless. It left homes shattered. And God hates it! He hates that kind of violence.

Do you think God has changed his mind? Malachi 3:6 says, “For I am the LORD, I do not change.” God has always hated divorce, and He still hates it. “But my divorce was justified,” you might say. God still hates it. He forgives it, but He hates the consequences. We need to fight to preserve our marriages, not give up and divorce.

Widespread Acceptance of Adultery – a Death Knell to Marriage

Satan is attacking marriage in three ways in our day: He attacks through rampant hedonism, through widespread acceptance of adultery, and through easy divorce laws. I want to look now at our culture’s destructive acceptance of adultery as simply human nature and to be expected.

We previously made the case that sex (oxytocin as the chemical carrier) acts as a glue to cement our marriages together. But with adultery, that glue isn’t sticky any more. Like tape that is used over and over, it loses its stickiness. Likewise, we lose the ability to cleave to our wives the more often we fall in and out of love. Now in our society, one third of married men and women claim to have had at least one affair. Two thirds of men and half of the women wish they could spend more time making love (bad term for having casual sex), but not with their current lover. So the stickiness of marriage is certainly diminished.

But, the world encourages that kind of immorality. It actually expects that kind of behavior. They claim it adds a little spice to life. Read the columns that the worldly “experts” write, and you can see their encouragement of adultery. Dagmar O’Connor, Director of Sexual Therapy at St. Luke’s- Roosevelt Hospital Center in New York City, gave these “helpful suggestions” to improve your sex life in marriage:

“When you pass a bedroom window with the blinds drawn, try to picture the sexual scene a couple might be playing.” “Try mentally undressing people you see around you.” “Imagine other couples making love.” “Some couples enjoy flirting at parties.”

How can adding someone else into the midst of your marital intimacy, even if in fantasy, help strengthen the bond of cleaving? How does any of this fit with what Jesus said in Matthew 5:27-28, “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” How can adultery in any way fit into a God-designed and God-honoring marriage?

Now here is another question: If a little adultery is good for marriage, why are there so many broken hearts and divorces caused by adultery? It is because even though our glands can convince our minds that an open marriage is good, we can’t convince our hearts. They still get broken.

How much better to listen to God. God takes sexual sin seriously, and God condemns all sexual intercourse outside of marriage. More than that, in the Old Testament, any illicit sexual activity involving married persons demanded the death penalty. Read Leviticus 20:1-14 to see this. That’s serious. And God’s law demanded that fornicators marry. Plus, two of the Ten Commandments relate to the sanctity of marriage. The Seventh Commandment found in Exodus 20:14 states: “You shall not commit adultery.” Plus, the tenth Command found in Exodus 20:17 states: “You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife.” Not only is the act of adultery condemned, but even the intent is forbidden. For a married person even to want another, to desire another, was terrible. And it is a death knell to marriage.

Adultery is a great destroyer of marriage. Any married person who even flirts around the edges of adultery is creating great damage to his marriage. A man is commanded to leave his mother and father and cle

Oneness in Marriage

There is a oneness in marriage much deeper than the mere joining of bodies. You live in the same place sharing the same address. There is a oneness in your name. You are now Mr. and Mrs. Whatever. You live together, eat the same food, share the same bathroom and bed. And you have a oneness because of the many memories that you have built together. All these unite a husband and a wife.

And you have a oneness in the children you create together. Each of you gives a part of yourself to create a whole, new eternal human being. And soon, Junior begins to walk like Daddy, and has that smile or dimple of his Mommy. They are like you because they are from you. They are indeed a part of you, of both of you, genetically and environmentally. They are the perfect example of one flesh. Not two, but one made out of two. That’s what a marriage is. As God said in Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

In a body, there is no competition, no playing off one against another. There is no keeping score, no making comparisons. There is no insistence on a 50-50 division of anything. Each is giving 100% to the body. Each is working for the other – pulling with, not against the other. That is one flesh – loving, united, intimate and permanent. This is the kind of an earthly relationship that Christ chose to symbolize His own relationship with the church – loving, united, intimate, and permanent.

This relationship was described by Paul in Ephesians 5:28-32, which is part of his long, extended passage on marriage:

28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

A husband loves his wife as his own body because they are one flesh. It is only logical he would nourish and cherish her. But this is only symbolic of the same great union we have as believers with Christ. We are part of His body and His bride. This is why Paul calls it a great mystery. We thought this passage talked about marriage, when in reality it talked about Christ and the church. Our marriages have such deep spiritual significance because they are a picture of Christ and the church. The husband must treat his wife as Christ treated the church, loving her enough to die for her. The wife must treat the husband with the same love and submission that the church has for Christ. When that happens, our marriages reveal that perfect unity of being one flesh.

Cleaving Body to Body

We have been examining Genesis 2:24-25, which says:

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined [or cleave] to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

We have said that the process of becoming one flesh is the process of cleaving. Ah, but what cleaves to what? Oh, boy, this is going to get juicy. I almost need to make a disclaimer about now, “Caution: Parents with small children should be advised of mature content.”

But really, if we can’t talk about sex from a Biblical perspective in church as Christians, we leave the world with the only microphone. Theirs will be the only position heard by our kids. And they scream their message out loud and clear from every venue.

But remember: God created man to be a trinity of body, soul, and spirit. The husband and wife are to be united on each of these three levels. But, the first we’ll cover is the union of body to body through sexual intercourse. If this union doesn’t take place, the marriage can be annulled. They would say that the marriage has not been consummated. No sex, no marriage. God also thinks this sexual union is important. After all, sex was His creation, wasn’t it? He thought it up and designed it into our bodies. Genesis 1:27 says, “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”

God created the man and the woman with very different bodies, complimentary bodies, so that they could perfectly fit together in sexual union.

And the reason? Genesis 1:28 tells us, “Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “’Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth.’” How else can we multiply without sexual union?

But, wait a minute. That was before the curse, wasn’t it? I thought sex was part of the curse, that it was dirty and naughty, or something. Many in the church are confused over the role of sex, not realizing that sex is God’s gift to us. Many in the church somehow think sex is the devil’s gift, not God’s. They think that sex is somehow always dirty. But it only is outside of marriage. Inside marriage, it is a beautiful, God ordained activity.

Parents often give kids the idea that sex is evil by saying something like this: “Sex is filthy, wicked, and disgusting, and you need to save it for your husband.” How ridiculous! And they think that Pastor’s only engage in sexual intercourse for the purpose of procreation, but they never enjoy it. What a warped, unbiblical concept.

To any of you who think that, let me point you to you the words of 1st Corinthians 7:3-5:

3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Are married people expected to have sex? Of course! The only exception is by mutual “consent” for a time “period of fasting and prayer.” God is making it clear here that we really owe sexual enjoyment to our marital partner. The older women (Men could never say this and get away with it) should teach the younger women that they most often should say “Yes!” rather than “No!” Lots of husbands would like to engrave these words on the headboard of their bed. But don’t misuse this, men, or your wives might too.

Indeed, God said this in Hebrews 13:4, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled.” There is nothing noble or spiritual about having a lousy sex life for a married couple. There is nothing Christian about settling for boring while the world goes for the gusto and the truly satisfying sex lives.

Let me tell you, God is no prude. He wouldn’t have included the Song of Solomon in the Bible if he was. That book is erotic. It describes in detail the joys and techniques of marital love-making. The Hebrews wouldn’t even let their young men read this book until they were married.

Have you ever wondered what can be done in the marital bed? Just read the Song of Solomon and let your imagination run wild. Obviously God intended sex to be pleasurable, both for the husband and the wife, all within the confines of the marriage bond. They could thoroughly look at, touch, and enjoy each other’s body. But, sex is so special, so sacred, that it should be protected and never squandered outside of marriage.

In Proverbs 5:15-19, we see a call to both marital fidelity and marital bliss. It says:

15 Drink water from your own cistern, And running water from your own well. 16 Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, Streams of water in the streets? 17 Let them be only your own, And not for strangers with you. 18 Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice with the wife of your youth. 19 As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love.

This passage clearly tells us to stay home to enjoy sex. Don’t spread your lovemaking around. They say there are two things a cowboy would never share: his horse and his wife. But within marriage, we are to fully enjoy one another’s body. We are to be completely satisfied with one another. This is as God intended. This is how He designed us.

What Does It Mean To Cleave Unto Your Wife?

Genesis 2:24 records the Words of God about marriage. It says: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” The King James translates it a little more descriptively as “cleave.” But what does it mean to “cleave?” What does it mean to become one flesh? How can two separate individuals join together so tightly, so intimately, so permanently, that God calls them one?

Peter Marshall, former congressional chaplain, wrote:

“Marriage is not a federation of two sovereign states. It is a union – domestic, social, spiritual, and physical. It is the fusion of two hearts – the union of two lives – the coming together of two tributaries, which after being joined in marriage, will flow in the same channel in the same direction. . . . carrying the same burdens of responsibility and obligation.”

That’s what marriage is: two people becoming one flesh – one permanent union – as they “cleave” together. Yes, it happens symbolically during the marriage ceremony, but also more and more, bit by bit, over a lifetime as they continue to “cleave” together.

One counselor said:

“Every variety of marriage, if it is to be successful and enduring, has one requirement. . . . two people shall be ready to sink themselves in the creation of a new unit bigger than either of them. The creation must be important to them. They must accept their relationship as the permanent framework of their lives.”

Or, as Jesus said in Matthew 19:6, “So then they are no longer two, but one flesh.” They become tied together so tightly, so intimately, they are no longer two, but one – one flesh.

As W. J. Fields put it:

“This concept has profound implications. Husbands and wives often think of their spouses as their ‘other partner’ in marriage. They think of themselves as two individuals who have contracted to live together as man and wife, each a completely separate entity with his own rights, privileges and desires. But instead of being two separated individuals, they are two parts of one unit, each of which is necessary to make the unity complete. Therefore when the husband loves his wife, he is not loving another person at all. He is loving a part of himself. When the wife loves her husband, she is not loving another person. She is loving herself.”

That almost makes me think of the Trinity. There is one God existing in three separate persons – a great mystery. We, in some very rudimentary way, are types of that in marriage. Two become one.

Now, that’s all fine and dandy, but it is all theoretical. How does this have any real life application? The word “cleave” means to glue. To be bonded together, to stick together like peanut butter cleaves to the roof of your mouth. Two individuals, a man and a woman, are joined together for life into a single entity with a glue so strong you can’t pull it apart without tearing something. Each individual submerges himself or herself into the unit – the marriage. They become one flesh. This happens as the man and woman join together body to body, soul to soul, and spirit to spirit. We will cover each of these three ways in future articles.

Leaving Father and Mother

The two verses of Genesis 2:24-25 are not the words of Adam, but a commentary inserted into the narrative by God. This is God’s instruction to us as to what makes a marriage work the way God intended. And what does God tell us? “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife.”

This is the way it is supposed to be. God said! It obviously isn’t referring to Adam, since he didn’t have a mother and father. This is talking to us, Adam’s descendents. And God wants us to know the necessity of leaving our parents as we join with our wife, a cleaving in which a new family is born.

What does it mean for a man to leave his father and mother? Is this about “cutting the umbilical cord?” Is it to “untie the apron strings?” Absolutely! It is the act of breaking the parent child bond.

There comes that time when a young man must break off being the dependent child – when he is no longer responsible to, or under the control of, his parents. For years, he has been cared for and supported by them. He was their little boy who was given bedtimes and curfews and allowances. But now it is time to grow-up and give-up the security of home as he cleaves to a wife. It is time for a new family to be formed as this young man becomes the head of his own household.

One time Dr. James Dobson was talking about the most common problems in marriage. Surprisingly, one of the most common is when the parents and in-laws who won’t let go. They try to keep control even following their son’s or daughter’s wedding. But God said a man was to “leave father and mother.” The same applies to the daughter. And this means more than simply moving out and getting your own apartment. It means becoming autonomous – a separate family unit.

Now, obviously a little common sense needs to apply here. It doesn’t mean we can never borrow money from our parents or get them to babysit our kids, or have Sunday dinner with them on a regular basis. It doesn’t even mean we can’t live in an apartment they provide, or work at taking over the family business. The issue is the change in roles. We must go from being a dependent little boy as we grow into an independent man who can assume our new role as the head of a household - as a husband and father. Therefore, when dealing with the relationship with his parents, he must make sure, for the good of his own family, that he takes the responsibility.

Parents tend to want to keep control. Sons let them because it the easiest thing to do. Mom and Dad offer their help, but with strings attached. “After all we’ve done for you, how can you ignore our wishes?” Psychologically or otherwise, the pressure is put on for the son to conform to the Parents wishes.

Parents, shame on you if you do that. Sons, shame on you if you let them manipulate you. There must be a cutting of the dependency cord. Ask for their advice, sure. They are older and wiser. Take a loan if one is needed, and they offer the best rates. But do not let them attach strings. You are now on your own.

And Parents, let your son stand on his own two feet. Let him make mistakes and learn from them. Don’t always bail them out or support their foolish ways. Just say “No!” Parents, you must let them go. Sons, you must stand on your own two feet.

My wife’s Mom told her, “If anything goes wrong between you and Dan, you can’t come home. You must make it work.” Too often, the parents do just the reverse. “Oh, honey, you can always come home.” No! It is no longer their home. They now are the head of a new home. They have left their mother and father and have joined themselves to a wife.

Marriage - For God's Glory, Not Our Gratification

Last time I presented one of the primary reasons God created marriage. Today, I will present another. God intends our marriages to portray symbolically the relationship of Christ to His bride, the church. You see this most clearly in the long passage of Ephesians 5:22-33, which happens to be the most extensive teaching on marriage in Scripture.

Ephesians 5:22-24 talks to the wife:

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”

Why should the wife submit to her husband? Because the church is to submit Christ, her bridegroom. The wife represents the church, so that is her role. Christ is the head of the church as the husband is the head of the wife.

Ephesians 5:25-27 talks to the husband:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.”

Why should the husband love his wife sacrificially, even to the point of being willing to die for her? Because Christ died for the church, His bride. The husband represents Christ, so sacrificial love is his role. Leading her spiritually is his role as he attempts to sanctify and cleanse her by leading her into the Word. He must loving lead his wife as her head, because Christ is the head of the church.

Do you see this? If not, Paul spells it out quite clearly in Ephesians5:32, “This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.” Paul is not really talking about the husband and the wife and how they interact. He is explaining the relationship between Christ and the church. The husband and wife are earthly representations, types of that heavenly relationship.

If we understand that, it will raise our marital relationships to new and higher levels. We aren’t just two people fumbling around trying to get some satisfaction out of life. We are supposed to show the world what it is like to be in a relationship with Jesus Christ. How important can our marriages get? It is critical that we do it right.

Our marriages are meant to glorify God. Marriage was not created for our gratification (even though that is a wonderful part of marriage given to us by the act of a loving and gracious God), but for His. All of creation is for His glory.

You can see this in the King James translation of Revelation 4:11: “Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.” Did you see? Not for our pleasure, but for His.

The best definition of marriage I have ever found is this: “Marriage is a covenant designed by God to show forth God’s image and carry out God’s plan.” How true!

Do you view your marriage that way?

The Reason God Created Marriage

We’ve looked at the process by which God created Adam a suitable helpmeet in our study of Genesis 2, but why did He do it? Or for that matter, why would God join them together in marriage? This is the very point where so many people are mistaken.

Most people would answer the question by quoting from Genesis 2:18, where God said, “It is not good that man should be alone,” and they would surmise that Adam was lonely. This must be the reason for the creation of the woman, they would postulate. “Aha!” they say. “Adam was lonely. Therefore, God must have created marriage for companionship.” They might extend the answer to include sexual intimacy.

Jay Adams, for one, takes that position. He writes:

“The reason for marriage is to solve the problem of loneliness. Marriage was established because Adam was alone, and that was not good. Companionship, therefore, is the essence of marriage.”

That sounds reasonable, but is it true? No! I disagree with that answer. Yes, God did say, “It is not good that man should be alone,” but why did He say it? Was it really because Adam was lonely?

No! The reason God gave was that Adam needed a helper, not a playmate or a buddy. If all Adam needed was a companion, dogs were around. Rover could make a good companion. A woman’s best friend is a diamond, they claim, while a man’s best friend is a dog. That doesn’t sound fair since we have to feed ours, and we have to pay for theirs. But Adam could have spent time with his dog.

Or, if it was only to solve loneliness, God could have made another man for Adam to go bowling with, or fishing. It could have been Adam and Steve, not Adam and Eve, or it could have been his good buddy Frank. That could have cured his loneliness.

But Adam wasn’t drooping around all overcome by loneliness. How could he be? He met with God face to face regularly. They would walk together in the cool of the day. Adam was alone, not lonely. He needed a suitable helper, a woman comparable to him.

Remember? God gave Adam a task, a task he couldn’t do alone. Genesis 1:28 says:

“Then God blessed them, and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.’”

Adam had a task that, without Eve, he couldn’t fulfill. Adam couldn’t “be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the earth” alone.

The book of Malachi reinforces this reason for the creation of the woman. Malachi 2:15 says,

“But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring.”

This obviously refers back to creation where Genesis 2:24 says,

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Why did God join the man and the woman, Adam and Eve as well as every man and woman, in marriage? God “seeks godly offspring.” Adam couldn’t produce them alone. It required his suitable helpmeet, his Eve. Marriage has and will always be, in God’s plan, one man and one woman united as one for life for the purpose of bearing and raising children.

Crafting Adam a Helpmeet

God had made a promise that he would fix Adam’s problem. In Genesis 2:18, He said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” He did that by administering divine anesthetic so He could take a part of Adam’s side. This portion of Adam’s flesh He fashioned into a woman.

But this is surprising. Wouldn’t it seem like God would make her in the same way He had formed Adam – out of the dust of the ground? But He didn’t. Rather, He built her out of the body of Adam. The woman was not only made for the man, but from the man. So Adam could truly say, “This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh” (Genesis 2:23).

But this makes the creation of Eve a great picture (a type, if you will) of the way Christ created His bride, the church. Think about it. Wasn’t Christ’s side also pierced on Calvary as Jesus paid the price to redeem His bride? Adam’s sleep is a picture of death, just as Christ slept in the grave after He died on the Cross for us. And both times, it was to create the bride. Adam’s side was rent to create Eve, as was Christ’s side pierced to purchase His bride. As it says in Ephesians 5:30, “For we [His bride – the church] are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.” Ah, just like Adam said of Eve. How precious is our bride.

But, what was Eve like? Obviously, she was created in the likeness of God, so she must have been perfect. Genesis 1:27 says, “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” They both, Adam and Eve, were created in God’s image. They were equal beings. Oh, not created identical, or even with the same job description, but they had equal worth.

Each sex is mystically different, yet each incomplete as far as the image of God is concerned, but they are fitted together to make the perfect whole - the male as the protector and provider, the female as the nurturer, the man to represent God’s justice, and the woman to represent God’s love. Together, they show a complete picture of who God is. A task we are incapable of alone.

When a marriage is torn apart by divorce, the couple reflects more of the image of Satan. They reflect his jealousy, his bitterness, his destructiveness and irresponsibility. But joined together, the two halves make that perfect whole, that complete image of God.

None of the animals had been formed in the image of God. That is why none of them were found to be a suitable helpmeet for Adam. Adam couldn’t even find a missing link out there to mate with since they didn’t exist.

But how old was Eve? We assume that God created her a full-grown woman of say twenty to thirty years old. God wouldn’t have brought a baby for Adam to marry, now would He? Oh, but she had just been created. She is brand new, but she appears old. Isn’t the evolutionist’s problem? They can’t fathom a God who could make in six days a fully mature, fully functioning universe with the appearance of age.

Imagine if you gathered all the modern experts and sent them back in a time machine to day seven of creation. The geologist would declare, “That rock is billions of years old because it takes that long for nature to form a rock.” No! That rock was made last Sunday on the first day of creation.

The forester would look at a huge tree, cut it down to count the rings, and declare, “That tree is 160 years old.” No! It was made last Tuesday on day three of creation.

The Physician would look at Adam, scratch his head wondering why there was no belly-button, and declare, “This man is 25 years old.” No! He is one day old, having been created on Friday, the sixth day of creation. Do you see how ridiculous evolutionary dating is?

But God had fulfilled His promise. God had made Adam a suitable helpmeet, one perfectly suited to complete and complement him. Praise God for his great blessing to men, the creation of the woman.

Divine Surgery - The Creation of the Woman

God needed to make good on His promise. He had said that it wasn’t good for man to be alone, and He had promised to make him a suitable helper. Adam has spent the day studying and naming the animals, and has come up empty. Not a one of them is like him. God must act. God must fulfill His promise. And He does.

Genesis 2:21 says,

“And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place.”

“Come here, Adam,” God says, “We’re going to apply a little divine anesthetic and do some surgery.” And God took “one of his ribs.” That’s actually a bad translation. Of all the times the Hebrew word is used in Scripture, this is the only time this is translated as rib. Every time it is translated as side. A side includes the bone of the rib, but also flesh and blood. God took all the elements he would need to fashion a new human. Thus, Adam could truly say in Genesis 2:23, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.”

What did God do with the flesh He took from the side of Adam? He formed a woman. Genesis2:22-23 says,

22 Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. 23 And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

What a tender, touching scene. God the Creator brings his two crowning achievements together and performs the first marriage – marriage as He intended: one man to one woman. And what was Adam’s response? Using a loose translation, it was something like, “Oh, boy! This is it!” Adam might have said, “Eve, you are the most beautiful woman in the world.” And she was. God had come through for Adam in the most perfect way.

The Suitable Helpmeet

Along the way to that final assessment of creation by God that everything He had made was very good, God noticed a lack. Something was incomplete. Something in creation was not as it should be. What was it? Adam was all alone. And God realized, “It is not good that man should be alone.” God’s solution was to “make him a helper comparable to him.” That helper was the woman, Eve.

But what or who is this helper that God will make? I mean, what is she really? I quoted to you from the New King James Version of Genesis 2:18, but the New American Standard and the New International Version of the Bible translate it as a “suitable helper” that God would make, and the old King James Version translates it as “helpmeet.” What is a “suitable helper?” I heard Chuck Swindall once quote from the Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary: “helper – n.: one that helps: esp.: a relatively unskilled worker who assists a skilled worker, usually by manual labor.”

Ouch! That definition wasn’t very complimentary. Feminists might call them “fighting words.” And any men who actually treated their wives like they were menial servants, believing this definition, are the ones who give this verse a bad reputation. Shame on them – those male, chauvinist pigs. That is not at all what the Bible means.

Swindall cleared up the misunderstanding, and so will I. The Hebrew meaning of the word translated helper is entirely different. It means, “Someone who assists another to reach complete fulfillment, to complement, to fill up.” The word was often used to describe a rescuer. Now doesn’t that sound better? Eve rescued Adam from his incompleteness.

Plus, God adds that this rescuer He would make would be suitable, corresponding to Adam, exactly what Adam needed. Thus, God designed the woman to make the man all he was intended to be before God. She would be the perfect complement. Now Adam would be able to fulfill God’s mandate on his life.

But, what is interesting in the narrative of Genesis chapter two is that God doesn’t form Eve right off. What is God’s first step? He creates a desire in Adam.

This is found in Genesis 2:19-20:

19 Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.

No, this isn’t happening now, after man’s creation, but this is explanatory. The birds were created on day five and the land animals on day six. But Adam has the task of naming them.

This harkens back to the task, the job description, that God gave Adam in Genesis 1:26, “Then God said,

‘Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.’”

Naming is part of having dominion. You can’t name what you don’t control. You can’t name someone else’s baby, for instance. You can’t even name their dog or their cat. The one who owns or controls them names them.

But to name the animals meant Adam had to study them. Names had significance. They described the character of the thing being named. You didn’t name your son Phineas Cromwell simply because you liked the way it sounded. You attempted to describe your son by his name. To name something was, in a sense, to know it. Therefore, Adam had to be somewhat of a botanist as well as a biologist. And he had to work at it.

But can you imagine Adam watching the animal parade? Perhaps God led them by two by two in the same fashion as He brought them to Noah. And Adam studied them, and Adam saw them cavort together and nuzzle each other. Yet, he is all alone with God’s promise fresh in his mind. Is this the one? Is that? NO! It is not the aardvark , the beaver, or even the chimpanzees. Certainly not the dinosaurs. None of them were right for Adam. None of them were like him.

Perhaps God wanted Adam to realize his need before He filled that need. Perhaps Adam needs to understand why he should appreciate his wife. Yet, as of this time, Genesis 2:20 says, “But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.” What now? God must act. God must fulfill His promise. And God does in a dramatic and glorious way. And this gift of a wife is God’s perfect provision for the need within Adam.

The Start of the Family

Since this is a blog that concerns problems dealing with the family, it is only appropriate that we examine the origins of the family. How did this thing we call marriage begin? What constitutes a family? Whose idea was it anyway? Did it just develop over time and in lots of forms and varieties as the evolutionist claims? Or did it have an intelligent design and practical purpose? According to God’s infallible Word, the family didn’t originate by accident. Along with most everything else, it was God’s doing. And, of course, God explained it all to us in the very first book of the Bible – the book of origins called Genesis. Genesis 2:18 states: “And the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’” Here’s how it went, quoting one eyewitness source which I believe was the Reader’s Digest: “I’m lonely,” Adam told God in the Garden of Eden. “I need to have someone around for company.” “Okay,” replied God. “I’m going to give you the perfect woman. Beautiful, intelligent, and gracious – she’ll cook and clean for you and never say a cross word.” “Sounds good,” Adam said. “But what’s she going to cost?” “An arm and a leg,” answered God. “That’s pretty steep,” countered Adam. “What can I get for just a rib?” And the rest, as they say, is history. Actually, I heard a different account, this one from a lady. She said, “God created man, stepped back to look, and said, ‘I can do better than that!’ and created the woman. After all, you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece.” Maybe we better stick with what God said. And God did spell out the creation of the woman, and the story begins here in Genesis 2:18. Interestingly, in Genesis 2:18, this is the first time God said, “It is not good.” No, not the creation of woman – don’t be silly. Everything up to this point was good. All through Genesis chapter one, as God finished creating for the day He stopped and admired, saying, “It was good.” Six times we read that same statement – once for each day of creation. Then, when God finished, He took time to evaluate the whole of creation and came to this conclusion, “It was very good.” Genesis 1:31 says, “Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good. So the evening and the morning were the sixth day.” Sometime, however, on the sixth day after creating Adam, God made the admission that something was not good. Something was less than perfect. Something was still incomplete. What was not good? God’s answer: It was not good that man was alone. Ah, but God had a plan. That plan was to make Adam “a helper comparable to him.” God won’t leave Adam alone. God will provide Adam with a helper; but not just any helper, one comparable to him. And thus, we see the creation of Eve – God’s answer to Adam’s need. God made Adam a wife, and the family began.