Oneness in Marriage

There is a oneness in marriage much deeper than the mere joining of bodies. You live in the same place sharing the same address. There is a oneness in your name. You are now Mr. and Mrs. Whatever. You live together, eat the same food, share the same bathroom and bed. And you have a oneness because of the many memories that you have built together. All these unite a husband and a wife.

And you have a oneness in the children you create together. Each of you gives a part of yourself to create a whole, new eternal human being. And soon, Junior begins to walk like Daddy, and has that smile or dimple of his Mommy. They are like you because they are from you. They are indeed a part of you, of both of you, genetically and environmentally. They are the perfect example of one flesh. Not two, but one made out of two. That’s what a marriage is. As God said in Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

In a body, there is no competition, no playing off one against another. There is no keeping score, no making comparisons. There is no insistence on a 50-50 division of anything. Each is giving 100% to the body. Each is working for the other – pulling with, not against the other. That is one flesh – loving, united, intimate and permanent. This is the kind of an earthly relationship that Christ chose to symbolize His own relationship with the church – loving, united, intimate, and permanent.

This relationship was described by Paul in Ephesians 5:28-32, which is part of his long, extended passage on marriage:

28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

A husband loves his wife as his own body because they are one flesh. It is only logical he would nourish and cherish her. But this is only symbolic of the same great union we have as believers with Christ. We are part of His body and His bride. This is why Paul calls it a great mystery. We thought this passage talked about marriage, when in reality it talked about Christ and the church. Our marriages have such deep spiritual significance because they are a picture of Christ and the church. The husband must treat his wife as Christ treated the church, loving her enough to die for her. The wife must treat the husband with the same love and submission that the church has for Christ. When that happens, our marriages reveal that perfect unity of being one flesh.